A Reason for the Hope – Friendship, Faith, and the Call to Love

Editor’s Note: This is the first installment in the new question and answer blog series “A Reason for the Hope.” If you have a Bible or theology question, please reach out and share it with us. We may use your question in a future installment!

Question:
Pastor Jason, we are to love our neighbors and our enemies. If I have a good friend who does not share our understanding of Sovereign Grace theology, should I distance myself from that person, or should I pray that the Lord will open their eyes and ears?

Answer:
Continue to love your friend. Pray for them, treat them kindly, and welcome opportunities to speak about the grace of God in Christ. A difference in theological understanding, by itself, is no reason to snub someone.

Our Lord speaks plainly about how we are to treat others:

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”

Matthew 5:43–48, KJV

Consider how far this command reaches. Christ calls us to seek the welfare even of people who deliberately mistreat us. Surely we should extend kindness to a friend who does not yet understand or agree with what we believe.

Paul gives us further instruction:

“Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Romans 12:17–21, KJV

The Christian’s ordinary dealings with others should reflect the mercy we have received. We should be good neighbors and faithful friends. When someone is suffering, we can help. When someone has questions, we can listen carefully and answer patiently. The Lord may be pleased to use such kindness to give us opportunities to speak of Christ.

We should also be careful about what we conclude from someone’s unfamiliarity with Sovereign Grace theology. People differ considerably in their understanding of Scripture. A believer may rest in Christ’s finished work while struggling to understand the implications of election or the relationship between regeneration and faith. Others may repeat expressions they have heard for years without recognizing their implications.

These things call for patient conversation and careful instruction. Before reaching a conclusion about someone’s profession of faith, ask what they actually believe. Where is their hope before God? What do they understand Christ to have accomplished? Are they trusting in His righteousness and shed blood for their acceptance with the Father?

The doctrines of grace are precious because they explain the glory of God’s saving work. We should teach them with bold conviction. We should also remember that every measure of understanding we possess has come to us by grace. That remembrance ought to make us humble.

Paul describes the spirit in which such instruction should be offered:

“And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.”

2 Timothy 2:24–25

Notice that gentleness and doctrinal conviction belong together. We can speak clearly while treating the person before us with tenderness. God alone grants repentance from dead works and understanding. We are responsible to bear faithful witness in the spirit He commands.

Of course, Scripture also teaches us to exercise discernment in our friendships:

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

Proverbs 13:20

Our companions influence us. We need the fellowship of believers who encourage us in the Gospel and help us walk faithfully before the Lord. If a friendship continually draws us into sin, subjects us to abuse, or pressures us to abandon the truth, appropriate boundaries may be necessary. Even then, Christ’s command to love remains. We may need distance while continuing to pray for someone and refusing to repay evil with evil.

Scripture also distinguishes our ordinary relationships with people outside the church from the church’s responsibility to address serious wrongdoing among those who profess Christ. In 1 Corinthians 5:9–13, Paul explains that avoiding all contact with sinful people in the world would require leaving the world altogether. His instructions concern discipline within the professing church.

Likewise, persistent efforts to spread false teaching and divide a congregation require a response. Titus 3:10 directs the church to reject a heretical person after repeated admonition. Such passages concern serious, persistent error and the protection of the congregation. They require careful application. An honest question, incomplete understanding, or disagreement over a theological term does not automatically establish that someone is a false brother.

Church discipline itself must be exercised soberly, with concern for the offender’s restoration. It gives us no permission to indulge personal bitterness or treat someone cruelly.

So, dear friend, you may continue to cherish your friendship while remaining faithful to the Gospel. Share what you believe with patience. Be willing to listen closely enough to understand what your friend means. Pray that the Lord will give both of you a deeper understanding of His Word.

If your friend is unsaved, ask God to grant repentance and faith in Christ. If your friend claims to belong  to Christ but has an imperfect understanding of His grace, pray for growth, remembering how much we ourselves still have to learn.

The sovereignty of God gives us every reason to pray with confidence. The Lord who opened our hearts is able to open the hearts of those we love. May He give us grace to speak faithfully and to show the kindness that befits people who have received such abundant mercy.

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Jason K. Boothe serves as a pastor at Redeemer Church of Piketon, Ohio.